I thought by doing this it might make me feel less alone in all this maybe it will help to talk to the vioces, try to understand it all ( sounds a bit messed up).
Guess i should say a little about myself im 19 years old and am currently coping with anorexia and depression, its strange i think iv been this way my whole life but i never really gave it a name, only recently i have actually admitted it to myself. I see a counsler once a week and take anti-depressants every day but i dont think it works the only thing thats makes me feel better is not eating.
i love skinnyness i love the feeling when you look at the scale and its dropped and when you can fit into smaller jeans. I love how strong you feel when you havn't eaten in days and you can feel the pain in you stomach and you know its working. Maybe im just screwed up feeling like that
Like i sed i think iv always been this way, but denyed it to myself. then it all came crashing back theese past few months. It started when i fell pregnant and i realised i had to eat it was one of the hardest things, i wanted to protect my baby but hated myself for doing it everything changed and suddenly i wasnt only hurting myself but my baby too. so i tried to recovery, i did so well, but then i had a late misscarraige at 5 and a half months it was the worst day of my life and i dont think il ever let it go, going into hospital to give birth to my dead baby and then the funeral it all happened so fast.
I miss my baby so much and now im left alone and revolting, i need to change but dont know how, its like a battle of tiny vioces in my head getting louder and louder everyday and i cant decide which ones to listen to and which ones i shouldnt, im just so confused... am i doing this to myself or are some of us just programmed to think this way???
anyway sorry for rambling lol
Charlotte xx
height: 5'5
CW: 119lbs
GW:?? just smaller
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